Children fear abandonment. Even young children seem to understand that they cannot feed and house themselves on their own, that they need parents to provide for them. Younger children, when faced with a parent's illness, will ask directly, "If you get sick, who is going to take care of me? Who will live with me if you go to the hospital?" Older children, though they are bothered by the same questions, try to tough it out, and often they will not ask. Some children worry that their parents are not caring for themselves well enough. Helen's son, though he does not know she has HIV infection, sees that she occasionally loses weight and asks her, "You aren't getting high, are you? You're eating, aren't you? You're taking care of yourself, aren't you?" Other children worry not only about their parent's health, but about everything else the parent is normally responsible for: bills, rent, mortgage, car, groceries. These children are beginning to see themselves as their parent's caregivers, and they are trying to take on the role of a responsible adult. Children often do not express their worries directly. Instead, they act their worries out; their worries are evident only in their behavior. Some children get depressed, some become withdrawn and stop talking, some become unusually aggressive. Parents who see this happening can try to encourage the child to express his or her worries directly. They can also get help from mental health professionals, especially those who deal specifically with families or children.
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